Roger Stevens and Tunafish Jones

12 Apr

I moved to Los Angeles in 1995. Came all the way from Ogallala, Nebraska on a Greyhound bus that smelled like sweat socks and sauerkraut. My mom always said I had a super sense of smell. Like Spidey sense. Good nose or bad nose, never did understand why they don’t have no rules ’bout what you can and can’t eat on a bus. ‘Specially if you’re goin’ to be sitting on it for 4o hours straight! Not to mention I sat next to an old man that farted his way right across America. No joke!

Anyways, came here to be a star. Everyone at home said I looked like that guy from The Greatest American Hero, so I shined my boots and hit the streets of Hollywood lookin’ for my big break.

Seemed that break I was lookin’ for was a sneaky SOB, so after my savings from workin’ at the Burger King back home dried up, I had to get myself a J-O-B!  PS. Don’t tell nobody, I know I worked at the Burger King and all, but I think that the Grimace is one cool mofo.  I know if there was an arm wrestlin’ match between The King and my man Grimace, I think we all know who would win. Right?!

So I get myself a job at a place called  Feel Da Vibrationz on Melrose Boulevard. Sold all kinda cool crystal necklaces and glass pipes for smokin’ the wacky tobacky. Anyways, one day I was workin’ at FDV (that’s what us guys who worked there called it) and this guy comes in and he says, ‘hey you look like that Will Ferrell guy.’  I guess I kinda did. And he says ‘you should be his body double.’  Anyways, long story short,  that guy was a casting director.  And next thing you know, I become Will Ferrell’s body double. I know, crazy, right?!

For all you non-believers, here’s some proof. It’s my back, in the underrated, yet high-larious (that’s how we used to say funny at FDV) film Semi-Pro, from 2008. Will didn’t feel like comin’ outta the trailer that day. So I got to be him.

That’s what I do. I get to be Will Ferrell when he doesn’t feel like bein’ himself. Some people might think that’s sorta sad, bein’ somebody else, but I say, show me the money! I say better to get paid to be Will Ferrell’s back, than not get paid at all. You know?

When you’re workin’ in show business it’s hard to stay in a relationship, I mean, ladies love me, but who has the time!? Especially when Will’s career is so white hott. With two TTs. So that’s why I got my best cat friend ever, Tunafish Jones (pictured above). We took this picture in 1999. He’s a long haired American feline. His fur is as soft as a baby calves’ butt and I love him like a brother.  We’re best friends. Even though I think his breath smells like Tuna all the time. But I guess that’s what happens when you got a nose that has super smellin’ powers. You’re always smellin’ the world ’round you.

-As told to You Don’t Know Me by Roger Stevens, age 45, Los Angeles, CA


2 Responses to “Roger Stevens and Tunafish Jones”

  1. Tunafish Jones April 19, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    Roger…nice name for a cat…maybe you should go to our website and play him some of our music..he’ll feel like he’s in heaven….Marvelous Mars…Tunafish Jones…..

    • mbolty April 24, 2011 at 10:51 am #

      Will do Tunafish Jones! Nice to meet you.

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